Spitz Ascendant

It’s been almost two years since Mr. Eliot “Client 9” Spitzer (aka Humiliator-In-Chief of Mrs. Silda Wall Spitzer) whorehounded his Foxy self out of the governorship of New York—in case you’ve forgotten, here’s a little refresher: Purloining the name of his close friend George Fox (hope you’ve gotten some new friends, George), he registered at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, D.C. on erev (non-Hebrew speakers see Glossary*) Valentine’s Day, 2008, for a $4,300 date with Miss Ashley Dupré, a prostitute/pop singer furnished by an “escort agency” with the classy name of Emperors Club VIP; this would be the last (as far as we know) of countless assignations with assorted ladies of the night over the years, amounting to a total of $80,000 out-of-pocket (including the cost of the spankings he liked to administer, about which see Poetry**), as he was nabbed and forced to recuse himself from all affairs of the state of New York shortly thereafter.

But it’s hard to keep a woodman down, as Bill Clinton will attest, and today, in happy news for those of us who’ve sorely missed that special Spitzer je ne sais quoi, the New York Post reports he has begun the climb back into the political fray, bowed but unbroken—and maybe not all that bowed—acting as an unofficial adviser to New York’s current governor, the hapless David Paterson, whose campaign for re-election is basically in the toilet:

One source said Spitzer has indicated he might help Paterson raise some desperately need campaign cash, which would remain confidential until the next Board of Elections filing, on July 15.

Spitzer was also described as giving Paterson “some strong suggestions on how to handle” the state’s massive deficit, including the possibility of closing some corporate tax loopholes to raise an extra $1 billion.

(Handling money being no object to $80,000-man.)

“Sources said the advice has largely gone through an intermediary, instead of direct strategy sessions.” No surprise here: Going through an intermediary is something with which “E. C.” Spitzer has had rather a lot of experience.

*Glossary—erev: on the eve of (before).

**Poetry:

O, schadenfreude, your name, your lovely name, is “Client 9”!

 “I disappoint my Spitzy self and wife,” he testifies.

“But how I love the spanky-spanky valentine!”

(“In case things get too rough your safe word’s ‘Silda’,” he confides.)

“Yo, dude,” says she, “for $4300 plus mini-bar I’ll eat my hanky

If you like, and yank your wanky the whole time.”