Monday, February 15, 2010

Joe Biden says:

I was just sitting down here on the special Amtrak train the secret service gave me after a couple motorcade incidents to read the blog and there it was. Bad Rachel. I said to myself, “Joey, ya got to set her straight. God love her. Who runs foreign policy for the Obama administration? I do. They all know it.” As my mother from Scranton always said, stand up and take the heat. So here it is. Joe Biden runs foreign policy. Big Joe is pulling the strings. Chairman, Senate Foreign Relations Committee. I talk to leaders. I’ve been talking to leaders since Frampton came alive. Barack Obama was probably in Indonesia when I was talking to world leaders. I’m not supposed to say that kind of thing, and don’t get me wrong, Barack Obama is one of the most articulate members of his racial community . . . uh . . . You know what, I’m leaving that in. Wild Card. But I am running the show. Afghanistan? I called it. Told the Times I didnt. But I did. I told Obama, you can’t just drone your way out of this. This is an insurgency. All facets of power. Smart Power. Brilliant Power. Anyway, He said to me, “Joey, you're right.” That’s why I love being the VP. Obama and I are on the same wave length. It’s like me and old Dick Lugar. I just have to talk and he sees it. It’s downright weird. But I wanted to make the boss look good. I learned that growing up in Scranton working as a child in a shirt-factory mine. Make the boss happy and read your law books. So I took the fall. Made it seem like it was Barack’s idea. The truth of the matter is this was Cheney’s idea. But don't tell anyone that. I love Cheney. We’ve known each other since the Muppets took Manhattan, but he is an out of touch war criminal. But let's get back to the point. I am running the whole thing. Why do they send Joey to Israel? Cause they need me. I have a secret weapon. Real Talk. When they get a piece of Real Talk, not straight talk like McCain, it’s very different. I learned it from leaders. Real Talk. Netanyahu, Arafat, Abbas, it doesn’t matter. No one is talking to them like I can. I get in there and I look at Abbas and I say: “You gotta cut this out. This is not how to lead. I know. Big Joe knows world leaders.” Then I tell Bibi—I’ve been calling him Bibi since I met him at the Washington Institute—“You gotta cut this out. This is not peace. It’s not leadership. I knew Rabin. He talked to me when I was a senator.” And that’s just a taste of Real Talk. The real Real Talk is much better, but that Real Talk is classified and I can’t share it.

1 comment:

  1. A friend of mine just informed me that this was a satirical post. I asked him how he knew. "C'mon," he said. "Joe Biden isn't going to blather complete nonsense on and on and on to just anyone... oh, wait."